In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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