How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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