homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
