i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
