Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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