I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
