My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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