i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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