We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
