"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Drunk is a universal language darling
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
