i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
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