a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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