Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
