I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
