Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize