Screwed.edu
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
