this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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