Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize