Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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