so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize