Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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