how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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