If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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