i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
