I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
