Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
