Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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