u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
