i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
