the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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