What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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