I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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