Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
