Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
