i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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