just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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