I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
