i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
don't judge my taste in strippers
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
