My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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