I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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