Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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