is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
