y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
