The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
