my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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