So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
