I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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