I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
