saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
