is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
