I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Mom said you looked used
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
