so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am available for nakedness
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
