Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
