are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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