Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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