I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
