I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Panties = found
Randomize
