I met the friendliest cop last night
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
