Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
