Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
