Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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