Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
