Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
