i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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