I smell stomach acid.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize