did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I wear drunk well.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
