i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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